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March 25 2005 - there's something about Cracky:

<d> it's different though
<d> i'm not in love because i think she'd look nice naked, but because she has the nicest smile i've ever seen
<d> if it was about sex there are tons of better girls and women around
<d> but they are dead on the inside
<d> she looks so alive though
<d> there must be some medicine to help me, maybe i should search for that instead
<d> i am trembling, it would actually be horrible if it didn't feel so nice
<d> oh great now someone's posting that she's a boy
<d> i hate that text about murdering her
<d> it's still the sickest thing i've ever read even though i've read it a hundred times by now
<d> like i said, a mistake
<d> dude those 4chan people are seriously fucked in the head
<d> the way i see it is, if i had just stfu from the beginning about all of this then the situation would've probably turned out a lot better than it is now

April 7 2005 - a crisis of faith:

<d> I think I'll quit all this internet shit too
<d> i don't care
<d> actually i care more than anything in the world
<d> it's the last thing i need now
<d> must forget
<d> must forget
<d> must forget
<d> than searching for a 14 year old girl
<d> you don't understand
<d> i wanted to know her NAME
<d> so in years past i could look her up and see what became of her
<d> humanity is a horrible blob of shit

April 16 2005 - discussing the origins of "so fucking cute and sweet":

<c> That cartoon series seems to be made by an anti-fan.
<d> i know who wrote the text version
<d> not sure about the comic
<c> What text version?
<d> the She's so cute and sweet text
<c> Oh.  I was talking about the "Cracky Chan Anon" comic series, not the "Guro".
<d> ah
<d> i'm not sure about that guy
<c> But who wrote "she's so fucking cute and sweet... they will be scarred for life"?
<d> >> Pfeizer 04/09/05(Sat)19:23 No.5522
<d>  >   As a Cracky fanartist, I approve of this. Nice comic. I especially like how she died in the tub since I wrote a short story about her dying in a tub (with some assistance).
<c> He could be attempting to take credit for the work of another.
<c> It happened on Trolltalk all the time.
<d> not sure
<d> it would fit his personality

May 12 2005 - LJ discovery:

<d> they found cracky-chan
<d> it's her
<d> same hello kitty wrist-watch for instance
<d> one of the pictures looks identical to the cracky-chan one
<d> in one of the comments she says she took the picture with the olympus camera
<d> she did delete some things
<d> some of the nude pictures
<d> i sent her a mail telling her what she should delete
<d> she obviously doesn't want people to know
<d> i asked her in her lj if she's cracky and she said no, then deleted the whole thing an hour later
<d> she did after it was linked on 4chan
<d> i think her name's Lia or something
<d> i read it somewhere in lj but didn't have time to find it again
<d> Lia from Oxford
<d> compare
<d> you can even see the same pillar behind her
<d> i wish she'd reply to the email
<c> How are you feeling about all this?
<d> how should i feel?
<d> stressful, for one thing
<d> i don't know what to do
<c> Wait a minute... Europeonia is pretty small, right?  Couldn't you just go drive to see her?  There's water at some point but I think there's a tunnel.
<d> and then what?
<c> Or just say hello.
<d> yeah actually a flight to london is like $50
<c> Go give her a hug.
<c> Were there nudes other than the "witch" pictures?  I must've missed them.
<d> yes
<c> Share!
<c> Only evil capitalists don't share.
<d> yeah fine
<c> This is all kinda weird.
<c> Doesn't seem real.
<c> Like a bizarre dream.
<c> Only you're not sure if you're awake or asleep.
<d> never felt more awake in my life
<d> except the time i was in a car accident
<c> I haven't looked, but I would've guessed this would all already be all over 4chan.
<d> the admins are deleting the threads as they pop up
<d> i have to go
<d> OMG
<d> she deleted all the lj entries
<d> Deleted Account
<d> Deleted
<d> This journal has been deleted. If you are scarecrowmaiden, you have a period of 30 days from the deletion time to undelete the journal. After 30 days we will delete all content permanently from our servers.
<d> OMFG
<d> fuck
<d> nevermind, i found her name
<d> it's Lia
<d> maybe i could just tell her i like her and ask her for the new lj username
<c> That's one possibility.
<d> she didn't reply to the mail. perhaps i made it sound to apathetic
<c> YOU FAIL IT (it is tugging at the heart-strings of cracky-chan)
<d> yes
<d> why do so few people think she's pretty?
<c> Beauty is a function, not an attribute.
<d> there are some who are universally recognised as beautiful
<c> I doubt that.
<d> i can't think of any examples at the moment
<d> you know, you didn't really answer my question as to why so few people think she's beautiful
<c> Unless you've taken a proper survey you can't make that statement.
<c> Name any person and you will find at least a few people who aren't attracted to them.
<d> yes, but, what is wrong with cracky-chan that it appears that few people find her attractive?
<d> or equally, what is it about her that makes me think she's so incredibly beautiful?
<c> What about her many fans?  How do you know the "bashers" aren't just one or two vocal people?
<d> just a guess
<d> but that seems unlikely from what i've seen
<d> oh and, many fans? like who?
<d> me and some other guy on lj
<d> and you, though you appear to be here just for the fun of it
<c> Just for the fun of it?  What do you mean?
<d> i don't know
<c> Doesn't she have worshippers on 4chan?
<c> There's also at least one other person on Trolltalk.
<c> Isn't there a huge frenzy over her any time new information is revealed?
<d> 4chan threads about cracky-chan rapidly descent into "i'd hit it", "what an ugly whore", "what's this thread about?" and "bus for cracky"
<d> i should email her again
<d> but i don't know how to approach the issue
<d> i can't just go "sup plz give me ur new lj"
<d> and explaining my undying love for her would be less likely to work
<d> probably
<d> maybe she's not replying because she thinks i'm insane
<d> i asked her if she's cracky-chan and linked to the site, and she replied "unfortunately, no"
<d> then 30 minutes later she deleted it
<d> i hope she didn't do anything stupid
<d> i couldn't knowing that i had something to do with it
<d> live*
<c> You didn't have anything to do with it.  You're probably one of the least repugnant of the hundreds of people who have surely contacted her in the past few days.

May 12 2005 - post LJ discovery, D attempts to e-mail Olivia:

<d> From:     someone <[email protected]>
<d> To:     [email protected]
<d> Subject:     Bleh, 2nd try
<d> Date:     Thu, 12 May 2005 15:14:01 -0700  (Fri, 00:14 CEST)
<d> Mailer:     Mutt/1.3.28i
<d> assuming you do not want to be known as cracky-chan then it would probably be a
<d> good idea to get rid of the following:
<d> cameras put various data about the photos you take into the images files and
<d> the cracky-chan pictures just happen to have been taken by the same camera.
<d> the blood2.jpg picture looks almost identical to one of the cracky-chan pictures
<d> in the unoaX.jpg files you have the same wrist-watch as cracky-chan
<d> should I go on?

May 13 2005 - D's second e-mail to her:

<d> From:     someone <[email protected]>
<d> Reply-To:     [email protected]
<d> To:     [email protected]
<d> Subject:     Hi?
<d> Date:     Fri, 13 May 2005 09:34:05 -0700  (18:34 CEST)
<d> Mailer:     Mutt/1.3.28i
<d> Is still email still working?
<d> I'm not sure how to phrase this and not sound either too apathetic
<d> or too pathetic, so I'll just say it plainly. I like you a lot.
<d> Ever since I saw your pictures on 4chan I thought you were
<d> incredibly beautiful. Unlike most people, you look like beauty
<d> comes naturally to you, without any effort and I think that
<d> that is just amazing. I've tried to forget about you at various
<d> points in the last few months, but it hasn't worked. Now that your
<d> livejournal account has been found I saw that you are also an
<d> interesting and fun person, so I'm asking you honestly if you would
<d> be kind enough to tell me if you are still on livejournal and what
<d> your account name is. I just want to be able to check that you are
<d> still alive and well and maybe see what you are up to occasionally,
<d> else I'll always wonder what became of you and if you're still OK.
<d> Please?

May 14 2005 - discussion of Neil Gaiman and such:

<d> neil gaiman signed on her wrist with a marker
<c> WOW.
<d> irc is like notepad, just ignore it if it's not relevant to your interests
<c> I know who Neil Gaiman is.  I know plenty of people who are obsessed with him.
<c> Did I sound sarcastic?
<d> a bit
<d> "in fact i've had a particular obsession with bodymods etc lately..."
<d> omg no
<d> omg no
<c> No?
<d> i hope she doesn't do anything stupid
<c> What makes you think she might?
<d> like piercings
<d> the above comment
<d> and
<d> "love it! some of those pictures are gorgeous...i might post them. i've seen bmezine before but i missed all those pages, and had pretty much forgotten about it T_T so thank you!!"
<d> in reponse to a bmezine link/post
<c> Hm.
<d> she seems to be quite intelligent and worldly
<c> and so fucking cute and sweet
<d> i thought she was rather dumb when i glanced through her journal when it was still up
<d> but apparently she's read a lot of books and seen a lot of things

May 15 2005 - D's 3rd attempt to e-mail Olivia:

<d> From:     teeteatae <tee⊙>
<d> Reply-To:     tee⊙
<d> To:     [email protected], [email protected]
<d> Subject:     about this little site i made...
<d> Date:     Sun, 15 May 2005 10:49:16 -0700 (PDT)  (19:49 CEST)
<d> Mailer:     SquirrelMail/1.4.4
<d> hey, how do you feel about the site? does it bother you? i
<d> made it thinking someone else posted the pictures and that you would never
<d> know, but now... if you want i could remove it completely, or just remove
<d> the pictures or something
<d> plz advise. i don't want to do anything against your wishes
<d> p.s. could you reply when you get this even if you don't care? your
<d> disappearance is kind of worrying
<d> p.p.s. sorry that you had to delete your lj. it looked like it was
<d> important to you

June 12 2005 - short and #sweet:

<d> her name's olivia

July 24 2005 - D discusses his ongoing effort to contact Olivia via Marina (Deadjournal "amarie"):

<d> actually your superior bullshitting ability might be useful right now
<d> you see, i've established contact with a good friend of olivia's
<d> where established contact = exchanged 10 words and gotten her to email me
<d> now i'm not sure what to do next
<d> help me out then
<c> Okay.
<d> her friend is a 21 year old not-too-bright brazilian girl
<d> if that helps
<c> Okay.
<d> right well basically i need to ask her about olivia in a way that doesn't make me sound like a complete idiot
<c> It can't happen soon.  You'll have to build a relationship first.  Establish trust.  Make real conversation.
<d> oh uhm
<d> i guess it's kind of too late for that
<c> What happen ??
<d> i kind of said i had something to ask her
<c> Well, hmm.
<c> This is a bit of a puzzler...
<c> I'm conflicted.  You could either ask her something else, and then work on establishing regular communiction.  Or you could go ahead & get it over with, although I'm going to have to ponder exactly how that could be done.
<c> Did you know Brazil speaks Portuguese, not Spanish?
<d> i was vaguely aware of the fact yes
<c> Pump It Up is really big in Brazil.  I think last year's world championship was there.  But anyway.
<c> What is the context of the interaction with her?  You just e-mailed her to ask if you could ask her a question?
<d> no
<d> she didn't list her email address in her journal
<d> so i had to get an account first, which meant getting an invite code
<d> which was difficult because i don't know any goths
<c> This is not Livejournal, then.
<c> Xanga?  Myspace?  Deadjournal?
<d> one of those, yes
<c> Continue.
<d> so i commented in her journal that i wanted to talk to her
<d> and left my email
<d> and now she has emailed me
<d> --
<c> So how important is this to you?  I think you'll have better chances if you establish communication & turn her into an ongoing source which can be occassionally milked for information.  Trying to do this by e-mailing one question would run a high risk of failure, even if you could think of a good way to pull it off. I'm not getting any good ideas offhand; I'd have to sleep on it.
<c> Do we presume that she knows about Lia's recent trials & tribulations?
<d> yes
<c> What is the nature of their relationship?
<d> how am i supposed to know?
<c> I don't know what you know and what you don't since I know nothing of the circumstances involved.  But you somehow seem to know what they're friends of some sort.
<d> i'd say they were good friends
<c> Internet only or meatspace?
<d> well she's in brazil.
<d> but they might've met sometime
<c> So you only know that they know each other, but aren't really clear on the details of how.
<d> i got the impression that they were really good friends
<c> Do you fantasize about them "exploring their sexuality" together?
<d> i hadn't until now
<c> You're welcome.
<c> But get your mind out of the gutter, son!  You have a job to do.
<d> i'm just not good at all at first impressions
<c> Hmm.  Let's start at a possible outcome and work backwards from there.  Ideally, what would you like to find out from this girl?
<d> ideally she'd tell me how to contact olivia
<c> If you found one or more of Olivia's other journals already, what's stopping you from contacting her that way in the same way you contacted the other girl?
<d> friends only and not updated since nov. 2004
<c> Was she active in any of the Brazil girl's journal entries at any point?  And have you checked these entries for any mention of her recent fate?
<d> the girl's journal is also friends only
<d> except for one entry
<d> and i've checked lots of journals, none of them mention anything
<c> Where are you getting this impression that they're good friends?
<d> the other journals
<c> Okay, here's a CRAZY idea.  This is far out, but I want you to add it to your list of options and at least give it some consideration.
<c> What about -- no bullshit at all.  Don't try to pull off a massive con.  You can always try that later if you have to.  Here's my crazy idea for what to do with THIS opportunity: just tell the truth, or at least as much of it as it would be beneficial to tell.
<c> Say that you're aware that her friend of Olivia had some trouble from Internet people on 4Chan and then went silent.  Say that the sudden vanishment and nasty suicide rumors have made you really worry that she's okay.  Don't let on that you have any vested interest, just basic concern for a fellow human being.  Don't ask how to contact her, just ask if she's okay, and if the Brazil girl has even heard anything from her lately.
<c> You probably won't get very specific information, but you have a good chance of at least getting a broad overview:  i.e. "she killed herself," or "she's okay but she's dropped off the internet completely," or "everything's fine, she just changed all her nicknames so she could make a fresh start."  Something like that.  People will generally tell you MORE than you ask them, if you ask them the right question.  You'll at least be on the right track afterwards.
<c> And, of course, you didn't "track down" her journal, you just found it linked on one of the Cracky stalker sites, which absolutely *outraged* you at how they were attempting to harass this poor innocent girl & her friends.
<c> Make sure you load the word "them" with a ton of contempt when referencing the stalkers.
<d> yes that was the general idea
<d> i have no idea how to put that in writing though
<c> Bah, if you're really stumped, I could probably whip something out on my plane ride on Monday, but you'd have to customize it since I don't know any of the details.  It would just be a form letter.
<d> the problem is the actual wording
<d> i'm not a native speaker after all
<d> i learnt english from books. i don't know how they talk casually
<c> If you want me to write it, just say so, but you'll have to personalize & customize it afterward and fill in the missing details or it'll sound way too vague.
<d> how should i start?
<d> "hi"? "hello"? "dear sir or madame"?
<c> It's hard for me to say, since I don't know her.  The opening salutation probably doesn't matter much.  And she might not be a native English speaker either.  I already gave you a general outline for the letter.  If you want me to write the actual letter you'll have to give me some sleep & a couple of days.
<d> i should probably reply today. waiting won't do any good
<c> Well then, just don't second-guess yourself.  Just say what you think, leaving off anything that she doesn't need to know.
<c> Well, as delightful as this has been, it's kept me up until 6AM when I intended to be in bed by midnight.  So I should go.
<d> oh okay
<d> good night
<c> I appreciate you giving me a second chance.
<c> Good luck with your letter.
<c> You'll do great.
Session Close (smott): Sun Jul 24 06:08:43 2005